Gooey Vampires in Chapters


I was wandering around Chapters the other day, looking for some good reading material to pass away the Easter weekend if the rain clouds didn’t go away.  After pushing through the overpriced knick knacks they sell,  tables brimming with someone’s idea of a best seller and Larry the employee’s favourite picks, I somehow ended up in the teen section.

Chapters has confirmed that the mock vampire phenomenon that tweens drink up like Red Bull, has spread like fleas on the backs of rats during the plague, and infected our young.  If you haven’t already read my rant about this,  check out Disco Balls with Teeth.

Spread before me in the teen section was a table, that was literally pouring over with books aimed at the tween market, and they all had to do with vampires.  I didn’t pick one up to read, but I’m guessing they are following the Twilight idea, that when a vampire shows some fang (IF they show some fang) it’s the same story of “girl who isn’t a vampire, falls for a guy who is a vampire, and can’t be with this vampire, so falls in love with

Chapters Vampires

Hmmm, which one should I choose so I can feel vampire gooey.

another guy, but this guy isn’t as good as the vampire, and some sort of horrible thing happens, the vampire cries, the girl walks away, and a fight happens where a shirt gets torn off, some horrible dialogue about how it’ll never work, and then they cuddle”.

I know that this market is ripe for the taking right now, but when will the walls come crumbling down on all these authors pumping out this drivel to the tween market.  I’m curious as to what the next big thing will be.  I sure know zombies won’t be aimed at this girls, cause nothing harder than hugging a zombie, the dripping flesh and biting and such.

Perhaps it will be robots, yeah! robots!  Not just any robots though, but killer robots designed  by the government to kill, but some have a chip thrown in that causes inexplicable crying and emotional suppport.  One escapes, and a Debby Ryan type character, rainbows farting out of her ass, takes care of this misunderstood robot who ends up protecting her from the mean adults who want to take her Discover card away.

Sound plausible?

Something will be next down the highway of pushing out crap to teens, and then making their parents buy every poster available.  Oh wait…..maybe Justin Beiber is a robot…or just a 42 year old pedophile with great makeup.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

About Geof Smith

A technology lover that has oozing thoughts. Blogger for Living Like A Boss ( and BlackBerry Empire ( View all posts by Geof Smith

2 responses to “Gooey Vampires in Chapters

  • Meg

    When will the crisis end?? Tween vampire novels need to end. And Justin Bieber??? Don’t get me started on that pimple-head who is still young enough to be spanked by his mother. We need a vaccine for the Bieber fever. I’ll take tweenie vamp books over Justin Dweeber any day.

  • Shah Shahid

    I see R2-D2 being the new Edward. His emotive beeping fluttering hearts, the whir of his tracks making tween girls/boys (I assume R2’s genderless? 😐 ) swoon… not to mention the retractable arm.

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